2008

Me vs. My Bed

My Bed: Bro, fuck the paper that's due in an hour and a half. Just come and lay down in me
Me: I have to do this paper. It's my term paper. It's worth most of my grade for the class
My Bed: So what? So you fail? College is just flighty mental foreplay anyway
Me: Yea but education is good. Education fixes all the problems in the world
My Bed: Those problems will always be there. Other people will always spend their time trying to fix those problems. Let them while you lay in me and watch a Mr. Show DVD.
Me: No! I have to finish my paper
My Bed: Bro, you're already wasting time by writing on your blog.
Me: Yea, you're right, you're right.
My Bed: Come on, just lay in me. We can go on pornhub.com...
Me: No! Fuck this. I'm finishing my paper!
My Bed: Okay, fine, be a nerd
Me: Oh, I want to attempt to educate myself and that makes me a nerd? Fuck you, you fucking horizontal human holder. I hope I have a dream where I go take a piss and end up actually peeing all over you.
My Bed: Hey, calm down, you don't have to get so personal
Me: I don't have to get personal? I don't have to get personal?!
My Bed: No! Just calm down
Me: You know, I didn't want to tell you this, but I got you from Wallmart
My Bed: Take that back!!! Take that back!!!
Me: Enjoy the rest of the day knowing you were made by a company that treats its employees like shit
My Bed: Eh, actually I'm an asshole. I don't care.

“I don’t even know what that orange stuff is…”
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I'm DJing tonight at 10:30pm

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If you're like me and my roommates

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and THIS…!

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James Baldwin - Sonny's Blues

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Peter Lee’s shirts are in. Please buy one to help...

NEVER buy anything from Aquarius Soft

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(via arielemadi) My cousin Ariel is in a fantasy football...

Dear 11pm Darius:

Hey man, just wanted to say fuck you. Those extra strength Exedrins you took for your headache a...

Here is part of Mr. Peter Lee’s Myspace page

The shirt logo my friend Peter Lee plans to take over the...

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Peter Lee's Shirt Company is Prejudice!

What the fuck Peter Lee!!

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There have been many Peter Lee updates in the past few hours. I asked him about his shirts and here...

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Peter Lee's plan to blow up UPDATE

About a week ago I wrote about my friend Peter Lee’s plan to blow up. Or as he put it,...

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Liberal Hypocrisy?

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Peter Lee is planning to blow up!

Last night I had the pleasure of seeing my friend Peter Lee for a few minutes. For those of you who...

Peter Lee’s Facebook picture.

“Comedy is simply a funny way of being serious.”
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To those of you who have been regularly checking my tumblr know that I’ve been 1) Typing up my...

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Has anyone heard any rumors about the...

If you have, email me at DariusEmadi@gmail.com or leave a message in the comments below

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My Friend Phil started a Karl Pilkington...

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Dear Rational Darius, Fuck you. Why don’t you try doing the rational thing and check the...

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Dear Irrational Darius, DO NOT listen to the Karl Pilkington compilation that your friend Phil just...

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“Wow, what a uterus”
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Paris Entries #1

from July 26th Just arrived in France. I’m not sure what time it is. I didn’t bring a...

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The Taybot/Phil&NumberMan Mixtape is finally finished...

I'm back

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Jacksonpollock.org

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Word of advice

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“How can you argue with me???”
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Talking with Peter Lee

About two weeks ago I posted a conversation I had with Peter and said I was going to make an effort to post more. I've had a few conversations with him since then but none were too amusing until today. He must have been saving it all up. And again, I have to assure you, Peter Lee is real.
Peter: So I was telling my co-worker about you because he's Persian too and told him that he was a freak. Man he watches so much porn...
Me: what?
Peter: I told my co-worker about you because you know, he's Persian like you, and I told him that he's such a freak because he watches so much porn. It's crazy duuuu
Me: You told him about me because we're both Persian. Then you told him that he likes porn?? What are you talking about!
Peter: Cuz man, you're both Persian and I was telling him that you have your comedy and he has his porn. He was like, "Man, I want to lick a girls ass. But only after she gets out of the shower so it's clean" He's crazy man! He started humping this other guy. Dude it was soooooooo gaaaaaaaaaaaaay. He's turning everyone there gay! I'm like, "man!" Oh, I got to go, my girl's calling me

Excellent article about the lack of Obama...

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Me: So are you going to come out tonight?
Peter: Nah man, I'm too tired. I'm gonna go home and work out
Me: I thought you said you're tired
Peter: I am man! But I gotta get "the perfect body"
Me: You're still doing that?
Peter: Yea man!
Me: Why?
Peter: To show it off! To kick ass! Play sports, and yea, kick ass

“Bugs are fucking stupid!”
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I’ve officially joined the Lil Wayne fan base 60% 75%...

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“Just wanted to share something. I’ve been watching the Wire...”
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What I Can Tell You About Seattle Based On...