In The News

At a “town hall” meeting set to take place today in Shanghai, Chinese citizens plan to ask President Obama questions such as ”would you rather be President of America or President of China”, and ”what do you plan to give your wife and family for Christmas”. Also planned to be asked is “who would you rather fuck, marry, or kill: Hillary Clinton, Whoopee Goldberg, or Joan Rivers”.

Also, new from Royce Da 5’9”:

In The News

Eight soldiers have died this past tuesday marking October the deadliest month for the US military in Afghanistan. In more tragic news, Comedy Central has aired the second episode of the Jeff Dunham Show.

The Weekly News (from last week)

Pamela Anderson has been cast to play a genie in a British production of Aladdin. When asked about the story, the producer announced the script will be exactly the same as the original, except in this version Aladdin’s first wish is to have sex with the genie.

Critics have said that Where the Wild Things Are is fierce and fun; bloggers have said it’s great. Your friend who saw it on shrooms has said it’s soooooooooo amazing.

USA today reported that some airline tickets are now an average of 12% cheaper if you’re flexible about when you fly. Aren’t all tickets 12% cheaper if you’re flexible about when you fly?

Many Americans have started drinking raw milk, as opposed to pasteurized milk, for health benefits.  As a result, the famous milk slogan has been changed to milk, does the body good when it doesn’t gives you e-coli.

Thoughts Had While Flying

The following are thoughts written this past Sunday on a flight from Seattle to New York.

• I’m on a plane, we’re about to take off, and I’m worried. I know it’s unlikely, but what if the movie cuts out?

• I don’t want to die; I still haven’t tried the meatball sub at Salumi.

• Do I have e-coli?

• Either I have e-coli, or my belt’s too tight.